I find the world's obsession with the downfall of civilization to be fairly morbid and creepy.

I understand that as technology advances our ability to destroy this planet also increases. That doesn't seem to lesson or increase our desire for the world to end. People have been claiming the world was going to end for a very long time. Crazies like Nostradamus, that guy on the corner with the sign and the beard, your friend obsessed with the year 2012.

People are like 'oh I really want the world to end! YAY! Post apocalyptic future! ZOMBIE DOOM! Ooo blood gore. Really awesome biker gangs! YEAH! Bitchen! I'm gunna have a bat with nails in it. I'll call it the brain buster and I'll kill people on the road for their stuff! I'm gunna wear a gas mask! AND I'LL BE HUMANITIES LAST HOPE! And like totally have to find dry land and save us all!'

You are disturbing! That was a good movie though, so points for the refrence.

Even if it does happen and leave a 'cool post apocalyptic wasteland', I think people highly over estimate the dynamic and cool nature of this world.

Spiky armor with rusty bits. Cool. Weird makeshift vehicles are pretty cool. Return to a barter system and murderous gangs and rape at every corner... uh... cool ish... as long as I don't have to live there.

It's also unlikely that you'll be on an epic quest to save the last of human kind. It's more likely you'll be traveling across the wilderness looking for water, and you'll collapse and die because you can't find any, or the water you do find is tainted and deadly, then the bugs will eat you, and they will say a small prayer of thanks for your inefficient body that can't live without contaminated water for more than a few days. The bugs will craft a new and greater civilization from the food you provide them. A thriving metropolis of utopian proportions. Only to squander their seemingly infinite resources, and before they know it, be left with a hellish collapse into nothing, war and famine sending their culture into despair as they're left to wander the horrible wasteland.

What I want to know is where do all the people living in these nuclear wastelands, traveling from one paintbrush town to another, barely scrapping a living and having to fight to survive, find time to put on makeup and do their hair and clean their nails.

Most amazing is 'that girl' who manages this. She also has perfect skin, eyeliner, and nicer clothes then everyone else. At worst she gets a small dirt smudge on her cheek where a beauty mark traditionally is. She gets this after being thrown about by explosions and nearly raped and what not. (rape can also be eaten by some weird monster... or even just being lost in the waste for days.)

So yes, maybe the world will end and civilization will collapse. Just remember that it's unlikely everyone's outfits are going to be made by perfesional costume designers, and the hot girl is most likely not going to spend two hours on makeup even as she travels the nuclear dessert. She's probably going to be missing a few teeth and losing her hair from malnutrition.

She'll also probably knife you with a sharpened hairbrush and then steal that tube of toothpaste you have.

Now that's hot.

Dear internet:

Here are some things out of context, though the context really doesn't help, that I have said that in hindsight I really should not have said. Come with me down memory lane of grievous verbal errors.

This was said at a feminist party: "French may be the language of love, but German is the language of rape."

This I uttered at another party (non feminist): "Those columbine kids sure did the world a favor." - no context makes this okay.

It doesn't matter who the hell I said this to it's a horrible thing to say to anyone: "No one will ever love you for your personality, they will only ever love you for your body."

Said to a doctor who asked a very strange question: "well, I guess if I had to choose, I'd be AIDs."

At a job interview: "I'm not worried about the background check. The bodies are buried way to deep."

Later, during that same interview: "I'm also secretly a lizard." -I was repeating in my head not to mention anything about being a serial killer, apparently I forget that I'm a moron.

Spoken to a mother holding her infant child, the fifth child she has had in her life: "You know, sudden infant death syndrome gets more likely with every child you have." - hell I'm pretty sure that one isn't even true.

It is not a good idea to say during a psychological review: "I'm really freaken schizophrenic, I mean, look at this, I managed to conjure up a really dead on shrink's office." - luckily he laughed instead of having me committed.

At the airport: "If I swallowed the right substances I could probably turn myself into a living bomb."

To a crazy homeless man. "here, have one of my business cards." -this story does not have a happy ending.

To my loved ones: "I really don't feel like going to grandpa's funeral." - ouch.

To more of my loved ones: "You know, I don't think I like your kids." - it's been three years, and this one still comes up.

In a business meeting: "what our group really need to do is be more like Voltron."

At work: "Friday? I can have that done by Wednesday. Easy." -I don't work there anymore. these two things may be related.

To a friend: "If I was gay, I would not date you."

To the person driving the car: "LOOK OUT! INVISABLE WALL!!!"

When deciding between speaking, and being silent, I have found that for me silence is almost always the correct choice.

I lied.

There is no way looking at this post could earn you any money at all. The triple exclamation point should have been a dead giveaway. No one who uses more than one exclamation point is being honest, they hope the extra enthusiasm will hide their ruse.

Have a great day!!!

Not even god if he, she, or it (as I like to imagine god as some kind of really awesome blob creature with a big eye stock) could stand in my way. Anyone who dares appose me, I will beat with a stick made out of their own spine. How would I craft this stick? By ripping out their spine, and then beating them with it.

It's true that once their spine is removed the act of beating them is largely unnecessary but I'd be so freaken mad I'd have to give their slumped spineless forms a few good wacks.

If an army stands in my way I will spontaneously gain laser eyes, and then grow laser eyes all over my head, making me a walking death cannon turret of doom. If a T-rex attempts to eat me, I will become so fowl tasting that instead he offers me a ride to where I am going. Riding my dinosaur steed I will face every foe and every obstacle, knocking aside cars as if they were candy. Swallowing old ladies as if they were candy. Crushing orphanages as if they were candy!

If faced with a ninja horde chucking ninja hoard ninja throwing knives and junk, I would pluck the very stars from the sky as my own throwing weapon and toss stars made out of pure plasma at them. Sending their burned tattered remains back to the depths of mordor or whoever ninjas come from.

and if a little girl gets in my way I'll kick her in the shins and make her cry.

Nothing will stop me. For I want...

I...

huh.

I honestly don't even remember what I was writing this about.

Never mind then. Continue with your lives. May the saturation of useless knowledge continue unabated in your internet travels.

We all know Mega Man. Or if you don't know Mega Man you should go out right now and buy one of the Mega Man collections, play them, decide which games in the series you like and which games you don't, go over to the capcom forums and get into flame wars about it.

But most of us know Mega Man. He is our friend! He is our savior! He is a super fighting robot who looks like he's ten or so. He's really cool. Or at least, I thought he was, until I realized just how bad a father his creator Dr. Light is. So he screwed up and now his old partner or whatever is trying to take over the world with his creations. What does he do? He gives his robot son thing battle armor and the ability to turn his hand into a gun.

Not really the best fathering move ever, but the world was in danger, so it can be over looked.

My issue? In-between horrible outbreaks of terror, it seems that Mega Man walks around in the armor all the time for the most part, and retains his ability to turn his hand into a gun. It should be noted that Dr. Light does seem to remove all the other abilities and weapons mega man gets between games, and yet lets him keep his gun hand.

I was young once, and I can tell you, if my hand could turn into a gun, there would be a lot of dead people in this world.

Parent: Go clean your room.

Me: Make me.

Parent: Look, clean up your room or you can't have friends over this weekend.

My gun hand: *BLAM*

Me: Well, that's one mess cleaned up.

My gun hand: *Cocks dramatically*

Sure Mega Man fights for everlasting peace and has a sense of unparalleled justice, but when your hand can turn into a laser canon at a thought, it doesn't take much for you to be staring at a smoking crater that is your sister after an argument over who gets to use the TV.

So I put the question to you, Dr. Light: Genius roboticist? Or Horrible parent?

I am thankful to cars.

I am thankful they have not crashed into me shattering my bones like kindling and splattering me like a watermelon. It is something that makes me happy. Most people do not realize that a car has little to fear from them. On their bike, motorcycle, feet shoes. As we walk down the street, and cross the walk.

The cross walk is not magical. The white lines do not ward away those demonized boemethic contraptions that sputter spur and roar. If they so chose at any moment they can rush forward, and bear down upon unsuspecting victims, grinding them to a fine mushy paste.

So I am thankful to the cars, for their kindness in showing me lenience as I walk through my life. I thank them with the grace and subtle dignity they hold, gazing upon us all under headlamps of transcendence.

I shall always respect our mechanized masters.

---

On a very unrelated note I put up an animation!

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/
515407

Yup. It's there. It's a secret though. Shhhhhh. Only tell the cool kids. Or really, only people you think would like it. It's kinda weird.

Ah Load runner, 1983 at its finest.

Anyone who doubts the greatness of a game that came out in 1983 and had a stick figure as a protagonist need only look at the box art for the commodore 64 version.

Check it.

Never sense ED-209 have robots without opposable thumbs looked so menacing. With their grabby crushy claws reaching for his junk as he.... shoots his gun, while... I'm not sure what he is doing. He appears to be half floating half hanging half dropping gold all over the place. But that's what the game is about!

For those that don't know, Load Runner is one of the most sadistically perverse games ever made. Back in 1983 they were already pumping out games that combined the maddening frustration of puzzle solving, with the sadistic glee of torture and murder.

You run around, climb around, and monkey bar around grabbing gold. Why do you need the gold? This is old style gaming, you need gold because gold is there, its treasure. You inherently want treasure because it is treasure. Questioning it is stupid.

How do you get the treasure? You dig holes with a laser gun that can disintegrate about 20 cube feet off bricks in a single blast. You cannot turn this gun on the evil robot/androids/hapless guards wondering why the hell you're blowing up bricks or what you're doing robbing this very weirdly designed gold depository.

Instead, you can only blow up the ground (not the ground right under you, as that would be too simple) and trap the guards inside it. As we all know, bricks are a fast healing meta creature, and so within a short space of time the bricks start to heal, closing up... slowly, ever so slowly... crushing the guard you have trapped in the whole to death.

I find this concept of combat intriguing and horribly terrifying. I used to have panic attacks as I'd realized that I had accidently trapped myself in such a hole, and it was only a matter of time before he bricks started to grow again, sealing me away for all time like the end of the only edger alan poe story that doesn't involve tattle tale hearts people bother to read.

In the end, we could all learn something from Load Runner (the character not the game, not that I know whether or not that's what the protagonist is supposed to be called but uh... come on, he's Load Runner! He runs the load). We should fight the good fight, collect the treasure, build complicated traps to ensnare our foes in horrible traumatizing ways, and do our best not to fall into our own webs of lies and strangle within them.

Wise words. Wise words extrapolated from a badly drawn stick figure.

He's the load runner!

Eight arms trail. Through a misty inky veil.

The world cannot taste which comes through that blackness that forever is the universe of the not quite squid. A twisted knotted rotten log, or a broken ship to tear and be unto itself in that deep. Twisted with a need that grows and spreads and will not be contained inside a full and complete desire that must escape before it bursts.

And up it comes with a glurshukling crash. Crawling with a clawing cracking nabby nook. Octopus, it seeks the truth. A beak that cracks wide the lies, letting free of foamy sickness intrepidly onwards and indomitably out.

Then, after the weird surreal quasi moronic poetic waxing is done sometimes, if it's the right species, the octopus crawls up out of the water and hunts on the land itself.

How freaken weird is that? I'd scream if i saw an octopus crawling around the rocks looking to latch onto my head and kill me. I'd scream so loud. Flail, and probably fall off into the ocean, where it would have the advantage.

You would as well, you know it.

All you funky kids nowadays with your popinfresh haircuts and your lollypop smiles seem to be all about the twitter feeds.

I don't like twitter. Mostly because I am old and it is new and scary. It frightens me. Upon threats from realities and friends I now have a twitter thingamabob. I will never post anything of value on this. It is a bunch of half nonsensical mini rants about nothing at all. Once I said I was on fire. This is the kind of highbrow entertainment my twitter feed provides.

So as to appear normal, I will tell you all to go follow me on twitter. This way you can stay updated on my day to day... well not activities, because I won't put those up there. But about once a month I put up five or so pointless blurbs. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I just don't post on twitter at all. Imagine that.

So if you want to stay updated on my pointless blurbs, follow my twitter feed!

If you don't... don't... follow my twitter feed. That would be weird, and it would make you very much insane.

Thank you for your time.

TWITTER FEED! (In case you're hungry... for twitter)

It was! It really was.... second highest scoring ever for like, point five seconds!

Freaken weird. The animation in question is http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/
368565 an animation that while I don't think it's bad... is NOT the second best animation this site has ever seen. By any qualification other than that dreamed up by a madman who is in love with and stalks me.

I found how this happened, to be very interesting. When the animation was first submitted, like two years ago, it received a decent score. It got the daily fifth. I was pleased.

Recently I submitted another animation that did very well. People liked it a lot. It got daily third! or forth...o r second... or... it got a nice award as well! Some liked it. Some hated it. Yet it was part of a series, only those that liked it went and watched the other bits... and then because they already liked the series and my humor, voted it five. Allowing for a dramatic over inflation of the score of that inconsequential animationy bit.

Also, as it had only been seen by very few people in the long run, not all that many votes were required to up the score.

And thus madness was able to occur.

Still, the print screen I took of this moment is now my computer desktop and probably will be for awhile. And I will always hold a grudge against turtle toss for keeping me from claiming to have had at one time the 'best scoring' animation on newgrounds.

Don't worry though, once people noticed something as small and pixilated and odd as that animation was so high they quickly remedied the situation. It's score is now a safe 4.20 or so. The citizens of newground struck with swiftness and justice once again.

They are vigilantes of their own streets, and they will not stand for such injustice.

Thanks for everyone who voted it high and pushed it up there. And a special shout out to everyone who voted it back down. That was weird and freaky, the world was not right, and you have once more put things as they should be.