No one randomly gives me five thousand dollars! I don't understand it. I don't randomly find a case full of mob money. I don't win the lottery. No one runs over my bike and hands me a blank check ware I attempt to use it for a million dollars and it works. No unknown relative dies and gives me huge bushels of money so numerous that I can swim in them...

It's just not right! It really is to bad that karma just doesn't work. the problem with the idea of karma, or at least the most popular aspect and idea of karma, is the fair universe. The universe sadly isn't fair, and it would be nice if it was, but you can easily see that sadly, it isn't fair.

Because I don't believe in karma, I try to be the best person I can. I know, that sounds a little counter intuitive, but think about. In a world ware the universe isn't going to bitchslap someone for being a jerk, or the universe isn't going to reward good people, then all we have is ourselves and our own actions.

So when a very nice person has lost their job, and will lose their apartment because they came up two hundred dollars short, the universe might be really nice, and maybe they'll get lucky, or it might be mean, and have them get mugged. The only way something nice can happen for sure for said person is to help them. *giggles* So I have on many occasions randomly given people large sums of money for no reason and with no desire of getting anything back. Becuase if karma doesn't egsist, the only thing that rewards kind decent people in this world, is you and me.

You think it would make you feel great, but it just kinda makes you feel more poor. I mean seriously, giving people free money? Such a crock.

Though of course if there's anyone out there who wants to give ME money I would love that! I'm a very disserving person. I'm nice, and kind, and after I shower I smell like soap. I work sixty hours a week and go to school full time, and spend the rest of the time working on my own stupid projects instead of sleeping, such as flash animations and such. If that's not worth five grand! nothing is.

Also of course, I will totally be the best friend of anyone out there with a net worth of ten million or more. warning though, I'm only being your friend for your money. I freely admit it! For ten million, best friend status is yours easily and cheaply. (comparatively, I mean you have ten million dollars.)

You could give money to a charity, to a loved one, to a dog, or to a perfect stranger! Really it's the only choice. The random stranger! So really, you should give me free money. It'll make you feel better, AND I will feel better. No needy people will get it, you won't have to worry about helping anyone (except me.)

Though I'm not really desperate. Though I am short on money, I won't starve to death if I don't get any, it'll just make life rock! You know you want to! Or if you know any millionaires, convince them I'm a better spending point then the robotic dinosaur they're going to buy and ride around on...

I want that robotic dinosaur more then they do.

If my elegant and beautiful words swayed anyone feel free to send me money via paypal to shiftingsodium@yahoo.com

For a small donation of five grand you could make my dreams come true! Also help fund a flash animation... you know you want to.

Also, I accept gifts of mansions, and gold bars.

Treasure maps are also acceptable.

Eternity is a long time. Perhaps the longest time any of us can ever expect to consider. What with it being eternity. If it's all the same to everyone else, I kind of want to see it.

But how to best achieve eternity? That's a question that is often asked. I mean we have lots of options, genetic... thingamabobs. Cloning. Having a brain downloaded to the computer... none of those sound all that fun, and have moral ambiguities. I mean is a clone really me? Is an electronic version really me? Probably, but it's all twisty and snaky and not something I need to deal with.

So I think I'll go with plan Gamma. Having my brain put in a robot. I mean when someone gets a cool robot leg after their leg gets bit off by a shark, they aren't suddenly inhuman. They may be cyborg freaks who will one day turn on us normies, but they're still the same person. So I'm just going to replace everything else. Get a nice robot body, all set up to keep my brain alive forever...

Though knowing me it probably won't actually take very good care of my brain, which is a problem. But at least I'll be more likely to see eternity then you suckers. On top of that, I'll have a buzz saw arm. BZZZzrrrrzzzznnnnn! Nrrrrnnnnnnzzzzzzrnnnnk! Saw through anything I want. Yet another reason to go for the robot body.

That's right. I do. If you love something, with a passion, a great unbridled disturbing (not quite sexual but sometimes seeming to border upon it) passion, I most likely hate it. Or more appropriately, will come to hate it. It won't happen all at once no, not all at once, it will be a slow gradual process.

Perhaps I also once loved this thing, person, whatever. Perhaps I'm even the one that lead you to it, so you could start your own obsessive devotion. Maybe its just your youngest grandchild who plays baseball. It doesn't really matter. If we are in contact, and you decide the best way to show your love is to constantly talk to me about it. I will start to hate it.

You're not trying to make me hate it. I understand. You just love it so much. You love the way your grandchild almost caught that home run. Or the way luke skywalker's lightsaber is green and goes wooorsh. Or how johny depp is like totally the hottest guy like ever dijaknow? Or that Japanese animation is just so cool and the girls are so hot and....

It's not the subject matter that causes the hatred. It's you. Its your obsessive neurotic won't stop talking about it on and on and on nature that makes me hate it. Makes me hate you a little bit to. Yeah that's right. I said it. I kinda hate you. I kinda hate luke skywalker, your grandchild, johny depp, and Japanese cartoons. I kinda hate alot of other stuff you love as well.

I'll sit there, pretending to listen, but there's only so many times I can hear about the same subject and how much it 'rocks' or how it's 'the best episode ever' or how cool it was that guy did that kick flip. Yeah I hate the bible, and no I'm not anti religion, but you just have to keep preaching about how its going to save my soul and is the greatest thing sense sliced bread. WHICH i might add, no matter how much you love it, is not as cool as it seems. I hate sliced bread as well! Cutting bread isn't that hard, and no one ever raves about uncut bread. Oh but they rave about fresh baked bread.... and i hate that as well.

I hate Harry potter. I hate king Arthur and his whole band of knights. I can't stand anything to do with Zelda 64. It was a good game, but seriously, it wasn't religious. There was nothing 'orgasmic' about it. stop using the word orgasmic to refer to games anyways! I hate those damn mystery novels you love. Yeah. That's right, i was just pretending to care about the twist ending. You know what? I liked titanic. You did to. I was there. I remember you saw it like seven times in theaters. Oh now you claim its the worst movie ever, but do you think I've forgotten? No, i'm sitting a little bit behind you, staring hate beams through your neck as you talk about how titanic emotionally bankrupted a generation of movies.

Yeah. Ender's game. Great book. Until you got ahold of it. I used to read comics to. Tell i started going online and seeing all the stuff you had up on it, all your little web chats and your forums. All your petty arguments. Oh how could they kill megaforce X. He was the best character! one week, then the next week? How could they bring megaforce X back to life. This is totally messing with continuity. People wonder why comics are so screwed up and stupid? it's because of people like you. Not only do you read comics, but you, you also WRITE them. You spent 30 years reading them growing up and then the moment you get a chance to write a comic your mind swims "orgasmicly" with all the wonderful ideas you always had. All the ways you imagined the character and wished they could be. Oh it can be true.... who cares what rules exist already, what things are in your way. You'll kill any character, you'll write any new character, you'll give and take away powers, characters, settings, like playing cards until your favorite character is just the way you always wanted them to be.

And i hate you for it.

I also hate katanas. I don't know if you saw one to many samurai movies, or maybe you played chrono trigger a few to many times or what. I don't' care how many people you think they can cut through, i hate them. Yes. I still hate them even if the answer is 'infinite people'.

Yeah i hate unicorns. Especially if you think you are one. Dragons to. And any other mythical beast you may have been born as. No i'm not saying you can't have been one. I'm just saying you talk about them all the freaken time and it gets on my nerves and now, now i hate them.

But mostly i hate you. You have no boundaries. No little voice in your head that says when enough is enough. Your loves are unbridled disturbing and weird. Your attacks on things you feel don't quite match up with the strange pedestal image you have created of this... whatever your great love is. If you just took it a little less seriously, maybe, maybe there would be less hate...

But you won't do that will you? No you'll just get crazier and crazier, and I'll have to hate you more and more and more.

Don't worry, i won't tell you. Just like you won't tell me. I know you hate the things i love as well. Just let it fester inside. Dark and deep. Ware it can turn into cancer as all pent up things should.

Flinching.

You all know what flinching is. Or if you don't, I'll explain it so even the most inept of English speakers can at least make a passable attempt at understanding the nature of this article type doohikie.... dohickcy? do....hi...ck...y.... thingamajig!

Flinching is the reaction a human being, other living creature, (and possibly even an advanced enough robot) has to something startling them, or an initial fear of an object smacking into them. Such as when someone raises their hand to strike. When the creature, person, or robot, recoils in an attempt to shield themselves from the potential attack. This is a 'flinch'. Or more accurately, the beginnings of this motion are a flinch.

Now flinching is often seen as something 'womanly' 'weak' 'pathetic' and 'scaredy catish'. Somehow it is thought to be un manly, un macho, and un cool, to flinch. It shows you are scared of physical harm. It shows you have no killer instinct. I'm sure we've all seen the movie ware the main hero dude (he has sunglasses) is standing in the bar (he still has his sunglasses on inside) staring at all the almost as badass but not quite (even the one with sunglasses) evil dudes in the bar. WAZAM! SHINK! someone throws a knife at him, it buries itself into the wood directly next to his head. Our hero doesn't react, a second goes by as the knife quivers in the door frame. He tilts his glasses down so we can see his cold steel blue eyes piercing at the knife thrower, and in his husky deep sexy macho voice says... "Thanks. But I already shaved today."

Well admittedly, it was freaken COOL. But my question is, did he not react to the knife because he's a badass? Or because he's dumped down his survival reflex to a disturbingly low level?

People! We flinch for a reason. When a rock is flying at your head, maybe it'll miss, or maybe it'll crack your eye socket open and let the fluid that helps cushion your brain leak out all over the pavement! You can't really expect to be able to tell which it's going to do in the split second as it flies at you. that flinch, the throwing up of your arms in defense over your face, could very well save your brain fluid! People! You need your brain fluid! stop punishing people for flinching! It's a evolutionary survival tactic that has developed over thousands of years of developing! You're teaching them to fight their instincts.

And what does every badass steel eyed sunglasses wearing hero tell you to do? Trust. your. Instincts.

So instead of teaching people not to flinch. with games ware you punch people in the shoulders and if they flinch you punch them twice more, instead, teach them TO flinch. Teach them why flinching is important.

Here's a tip! Next time you're hanging out with your friends, jokingly pretend to hit them a few times, each time you do say 'don't flinch!' most people are going to flinch at first, especially if you almost do hit them. Do this over and over throughout the night. Over and over. They'll flinch less and less each time. Eventually they'll stop flinching. When they've stopped flinching entirely. Hit them.

This will teach them the importance of flinching.

In the world of flash animation, people often review them. This is understandable. They then give them scores based upon what they think of it. Sometimes the review will be incredibly positive. Shinning, gloriously glowing. Yet they will give it a five.

A five seems good, I mean the main new ground score is from one to five. Yet the review goes from one to ten. On a scale from one to ten, a five.... not the best. It makes me wonder if there are people out there who simply don't know the difference between the review system, and the general vote system. Perhaps they wanted to give it five out of five? Or four out of five? Not realizing when they review something the scoring is so odd and disheveled. Causing craziness and who knows what other kind of wacky hijinks.

Ah those reviewers. Silly people. Full of vip and vinegar. In alot of very real ways they are the life blood of the world. Without mass amounts of people to tell us how good something was, how would we know?

Oh decide for yourself you say? Let your own taste be the judge?

Do you have any idea how much crap is out there in the world. There is enough horrible badly made stuff to choke a moose. (mooses being notoriously hard to choke) If there wasn't someway to filter through it all, you'd never see anything you remotely liked.

That is why hoards of opinionated people are a good thing. A glorious shinning beacon of justice in this dark twisted world even. Popularity, mass culture, pop culture, it's all the same, it's all important.

HAIL YOU REVIEWRS! hail you for all time.

So who wants to blow up the moon? I'm thinking that's what needs to happen. A big ol moon explosion. The earth has always had the moon as its primary combatant. Moving through the stars like solar glaciers, circling each other as epoch old combatants. Waiting for the other to make a mistake. All it would take is a single moment of weakness and the moon would body check us into the sun so fast we wouldn't know what hit us. (well we would, it's kinda hard to miss the moon.)
If you don't think it's true that the moon is waiting for its chance, go out into the star filled night alone. Don't take a lover or a best friend or some crap like that. Go out there alone and stare up into the cold reaches of space at that single white cyclopean death orb that stares back. Watch it, just watch it hanging up there, waiting, always waiting.

Scientists say the moon's orbit is moving away from the earth. Is this it finally getting the message and backing off? Or is it trying to lull us into a false sense of security. Another science fact is that the moon to earth ratio, is the closest of any planet known to exist. It is almost one quarter as big as the earth is. It's giant. It's a giant freak of a moon. Always waiting for its chance.

We can't give it that chance. Every day we hesitate is another day it is able to study us for weaknesses. For billions of years the earth stood defenseless against this circling ravenous wolf, reading to take down our giant lumbering sick moose of a planet. But earth has spawned a race, crazy violent and crazy intuitive, with the know how and the love of explosives and pain to save it.
I propose mission Luna Crush. There are a few ways we could do it. Some kind of giant laser to slice the moon in half. This of course might cause it in its death throws to send the two halves toppling down at us, like two giant buzz saws of doom... Maybe some kind of internal explosion? But then its tiny remaining fragments would pummel us like the stereotypical nerd who decided to be like the movies and stand up to the bully, only unlike in the movies this just means the bully has a good reason to hit him.

So what options do we have? Perhaps some kind of repulser ray. Send it careening off, into the depths of space.... But then of course it could return in one thousand years to seek revenge. I don't want that. It's not like I'll be dead. I'll have a cool robot body by then and I don't need a vengeful moon wrecking that.

Seems to me the only option is to create a black hole in the very center of the moon. Using science, of course. (what else would you use? Magic. Magic can't create black holes! That's a science thing) So by applying enough science directly to the moon's core, and thus turning it into a black hole of dea- wait... that would then mean there would be a black hole orbiting earth... or well more likely, we would orbit it until us and the rest of the solar system was sucked into the oblivion we had created ourselves...

I can see this is going to take some planning. Some careful thought, and a lot more science then I originally considered. If you have any theories on lunacide feel free to tell me them at shiftingsodium@yahoo.com it must be stopped. Every second we waist is another potential planet ending one.

People if there has ever been a threat that effects us all, it's this one. Together we can beat the moon. Together we WILL beat the moon. Somehow...

I know that I stopped growing, long ago. Infact from enough distance away I look perfectly round. But it's hard to give up the dream of wishing to not be short. Not that i dream to be tall. I mean being tall is great and all, you can actually get things off shelves, you can pet short people as if they were dogs... lots of things. I don't really want to end up with that slight slouch in my shoulders tall people seem to get, probably from having to hunch over and see us mortal non tall people's faces.

No, I do not wish to be tall, simply taller then I am. I would prefer some magical method, perhaps finding a genie lamp and growing an inch or two is the only wish they can grant. Or some kind of rock, ware if i pick up the rock, i get taller. I wouldn't want the method of my size increasure to be technological. For one, science pretty much always hurts. To get taller I'd probably have to go through tremendous pain. Also, if it was tech, everyone would have the option, and once everyone had decided to get taller, I'd be in the exact same place i was before! Shortness is relative.

So one day, I want to be able to reach top shelves without the use of a stool, a steady dog, or a chair. Until that day, I can only gaze up at the clouds and hope. I have a feeling many people will be gazing up with me.

Aliens would also be an acceptable way to get taller. Not like through alien tech, but like if we run into a really short race of aliens, and they join human society. With a bunch of little green midgets walking around i would feel mighty tall indeed.