Goggles are the most amazing things ever invited. Some might consider them the refuge of world war 1 pilots, idiots who ride motorcycles without helmets, and steampunk fans, but that doesn't need to be the case. Everyone should wear them all the time, except while showering... and sometimes even then.

You don't think you need goggles in the shower, but anyone who has gotten shampoo in their eyes knows there are times they're useful. Way more useful then shower caps at least. Those things look wacky.

Have you ever been walking down the street, and then a man throws a snowball with a rock in it at you. Or worse yet, you try and shoot out a metal sign with a Red Ryder BB gun, and the pellet bounces back and makes your eyeball explode in its socket all graphically? Now if you'd been wearing goggles that wouldn't have happened. Though you would have cracked your bitchen goggles, which is almost as targic.

Goggles go with every kind of clothing, evening wear, casual wear, naked wear, upside down wear, outfits made entire of goggles wear.

The only time it is not okay to wear goggles is......... if a man has threatened to melt the world with some kind of acid, if anyone puts goggles on. If you wear goggles when this happens, you're just being rude.

Don't run with scissors they say, as if this is good advice. As if scissors need special attention. Unlike knives, saws, guns, and other things, as if scissors in particular thirst for the run. For the blood that comes from the run... And they do.

Anyone who has held a pair of scissors knows, feels their desire, their need. cosmic energy that flows from the scissors to the wielder.

Run. Run with me. Run faster then satan could ever see...

The scissors always whisper. Dark images of running, sprinting, falling, spurts of blood from eyes and necks. The terror of the reason why you shouldn't... but...

Run... run with me... feel the wind and the freedom... the danger makes it delicious, a taste you can savor...

The scissors whisper, you know it's wrong, well all know its wrong, and yet... I have run with scissors, wild and free. I have run with them through the streets, hollering primal obscenities to the gods themselves.

Just once. Long ago... but i still hear the call. Deeper then the lust for sex. More instinctual then the need for food. More honest then the thirst for water...

Run, run with me...

It haunts me still. As it haunts each of us. Haunts us every night, when the moon is full and glistening with the lies of their dreams.

Or maybe just me.

Like most of you I have spent my life watching, playing, creating, and being pissed off by stupid and poorly done fiction. Now, while i have yet to see any real solid proof we are not in some giant alien reality show, or bit players in someone's action adventure that has a surprisingly detailed amount of fluff, I can say for damn certain I'm not a main character.

I don't dress cool enough. People don't forgive me for being a sociopathic asshole enough. I don't randomly treat my friends like crap only to learn moral lessons, and even when I'm being boring exciting things don't just happen at me. Except the normal exiting things, like almost dieing in a car accident, or finding out your uncle has cancer, or someone trying to kill you in the bathroom because you were 'mad doggin them all night'.

I still don't know what Mad doggin' is, but I actively attempt to not do it, because I enjoy my neck to remain unbroken and my body un-stabbed, and those who think I have been mad doggin' them feel differently. All I have gleaned so far, is I do not think it involves being angery, or being a dog. I am neither yet still managed to accomplish it.

While this attempted murder was interesting, my point is that it wasn't a story that lead to a chain of adventurous events where all seems lost right before the end and yet comes together in an epic moment of glory! (or failure if the story is sad!) Instead it was just terrifying for like a minute. I believe i wet myself. It would have made a horrible movie, an atrocious short, and a truly despicable TV show and as a book or comic? Pfffft.

I guess I might be a main character of one of those really boring crappy slice of life things. where stuff happens and it's all edgy and real.

I sure hope not, those things suck. It would explain some stuff though...

...so here I am, in the country of Japan.

I'm in the future of course, for anyone that's worried on Friday the world has still not ended.

I went to the McDonalds here, mostly to see what it was like. I saw something that shocked me to my very core. Here, and apparently in Malaysia, they have a burger with four meat patties. They call it a mega mac.

It is decadence without cause, an example of human gluttony taken to near exotic proportions. It is on par with the burger that uses grilled cheese sandwiches for buns, or the KFC sandwich with chicken for bread. The pizza that's also a burger. It is no longer a meal, and becomes an ordeal.

I do not understand.

Why in a country known for its healthier eating habits and lifestyle from the US would they have something like this?

The burger is bigger than some people I have met here. If it came alive through the power of magical crazy burger magic, it could go on a killing rampage and begin eating humans. Nothing could stop it.

That said, it's not much more expensive then a normal big mac or a double quarter pounder, so if you desire that much meat it's a good deal.

I have not nor will I eat it, as I do not desire that much meat.

Also, I'm pretty sure the crows and ravens and things here in Japan are watching me.

Greetings people who read the random musing of a random person. I'm not sure why you do that, but it does make someone like me feel slightly more connected to total and ambient strangers! Also didactic.

Those of you who have read every single one of my newgrounds internet journal posts will remember that I posted some time ago I was looking for an action script programmer to help me finish a game, because the person I had been working with, flaked like he was made out of really old person skin from a really old person who never moisturized.

Update 1: I have not found a programmer.

Update 2: I hate all of them.

Update 3: I don't really, but I've had a disheartening run with them.

The first guy: worked with him for like six months, great guy, great artist, great programmer. Disappeared off the face of the earth after leaving me some IMs that read like 'hey, dude ; -; are you around?'

I really hope he didn't kill himself because I was busy buying energy drinks from 7-11 and had left my computer on and he needed someone to talk to and thought i was ignoring him. That would be horrible!

Second guy: Turned out he didn't actually know any more about flash programming then me. It took a month to realize this, because I am dumb.

Third guy: Turned out he was the second guy using a different internet name. Took me a month and a half this time. Because I am REALLY dumb.

Forth guy: Asked to be paid money, I was like 'sure, i will pay you money, I've been working on this game for like a year, i just want to finish it. Please. Let the nightmare end.' and he was like, HA HA! YEAH! LETS DO THIS!

A few weeks later he sent me an e-mail basically saying my game sucked, I sucked, and he didn't think anyone would play it. He was so despondent he wouldn't let me pay him for the time he HAD spent on it. I tried!

I cried myself to sleep that night.

Fifth guy: Turned out to be the second guy again. It only took me a week to realize this. I'm pretty sure he is the devil.

Sixth guy: Actually a girl. Technically still working with her... though she hasn't returned an e-mail for three weeks, so I'm going to assume that she is also the devil.

Seventh guy: Teacher at a collage that teaches a course on flash. I showed him the game demo and he was like 'Bazam. Crackalakin. This is awesome. Yeah, i can bust that out in like two, three days. Tops.' i was quite pleased.

After two months of 'I'll get to it tomorrow' he eventually sent me the inevitable 'i will never get to it e-mail. I do not hate him.

Eighth guy: No one yet, but I have a feeling it'll be the second guy again.

The ninth person might very well be me if I can ever get past that point in my AS programming skills where the little figure doesn't gyrate across the screen randomly like he's having an epileptic fit.

I took a flash programming class, and that's what I turned in for my final project 'epileptic gyrating 8-bit stick figure man'

I got a B.... minus. The teacher said the only reason he did not give me a worse grade was because how i would swear at my computer mid class when the program wasn't doing what I wanted amused him.

So, if anyone out there is a flash genius and not a flaky person, feel free to contact me.

If you're not a flash genius and/or are a flaky person, feel free to contact me just to mess with me. I don't actually want you to do this, but it is not like I can stop you. If this ordeal has shown me anything, it is that I have no power to generate any kind of respect, output, or work ethic from anyone.

All of you have a wonderful day! Remember, if you see a ninja, kill it just to stay safe. Every eighth ninja drops a full heal.

It's a horrifying idea.

Oh sure everyone wants to become an internet superstar for a few days over something cool. Eating a billion hotdogs, or catching a bullet with your teeth. That'd be sweetness. True golden sweetness. Like delicious golden apples, only instead of tasting like glory they spark a war that threatens to destroy not only all the great nations but the very pantheon of gods itself!

Like where you take a digital photo of yourself in your badass new goggles and send it to a friend, only to find out that over on some web forum you're now used in forum posts as an imagerial representation of loser. With phrases like 'internet superhero' thrown around, which sounds like a fun thing to be called, but you don't get any super powers, and you get made fun of!

If you got super powers at least you could laser eye those that mocked you. Or punch them at super speeds while their faces deform like they're in a centrifuge.

Or even worse, what if you pour your heart and soul into the creation of something? Only to find out that the reason you got six billion hits is because people think it's just so stupid they have to see it?

heh... okay that'd be pretty funny. Especially if you made like a youtube video where you were crying and begging people to stop making fun of you, and you got the snot boogers going on.

With the tears.

Still, no one wants to be that guy, or that girl. Well, some do I think. I don't. I don't want to be 'that person, who did the thing, with that fruit' which gets like a zillion hits and remixed a bunch. What I did with that fruit was private, who the hell was even filming me?

Scary world we live in. At any moment, your stupidity could make you famous, but not in a cool way.

I wonder if there's a phobia for that.

... d...vi... fear...of... interewebs...ness...y... netfameaphobia?

Sure. That works.

But apples do not like me.

One killed my mother.

Killed her just to send me a message.

The murder/rape/debasement of the very young is one of those things that some find hilarious, and others believe that if you do something like that, only the most horrible of fates awaits you.

Sometimes these people are the same people, as many find dead baby jokes funny while not finding dead babies funny at all.

Let's say a baby, small cute, with large eyes and red hair, is sitting next to the button that can destroy the world. It's trying to press it, in the stupid stupid drooly way babies do. All you have is a crossbow. Do you take the shot?! The world hangs in the balance!

If the baby is evil does that make it any easier? Maybe the baby built the doomsday device.

Also, if after killing a baby, if you save a really old persons' life does it kinda balance out? I mean sure they don't have all that potential and growth, but you kept all that experience and knowledge from being lost!

Maybe two old people equal one baby?

If the only ammunition for the crossbow you have while trying to stop the evil baby, is another baby, could you still take the shot?

The real question is where did you even get a modified crossbow that can fire live babies as ammunition. That's a bit strange.

These are the kind of deep philosophical questions that have no real answer. Yet we must always attempt to seek truth.

Good morning world of newgrounds!

We interrupt my long list of random pointless dribble and self centered and condescending rants to bring you something slightly serious. I need a flash programmer well versed in action script 2.

You see, back in the mists of time (six months or so) I started collaborating with someone on a flash game. This guy! http://moosh.newgrounds.com/ awesome guy, I think he might be dead now, or lazy. Not sure which. Maybe a coma, which is kind of like dead, but too lazy to actually commit to it.

Anyways, we worked hard on a flash game, got the design all done, did all the graphics, got some awesome music done for it. Tom was even nice enough to offer some advice and help and encouragement, because he's sweet and anyone who says he is not is a liar, even if his name does start with a T which is two strikes against him right off the bat.

So after all that, with the game almost finished, just one area to do and some bug issues the one guy who may be dead maybe died. Haven't seen him for months. I was sad for awhile, but now I'm just annoyed that despite my best efforts AS2 looks like gibberish to me.

So if there's anyone out there versed in it, that would want to go through the HELL of trying to work through someone else's code and help me finish an almost done game, do let me know. Drop me a PM, believe in yourself, that sort of thing.

Also the programmer was the artist for the not game graphics cut scene picture things, which is to bad he's gone cause he was amazing. So I'll need to find another one of them to, which will most likely prove impossible.

Despite these things, I shall keep on, not give up, and fight for the future of all human kind with a fist pump and a soda!

As it nears three thirty in the morning, it slowly dawns on me I probably should have put this in the help wanted forum I'm sure newgrounds has, too late! HA!

If none of that makes any sense I'm almost positive I never once approached anything resembling good grammar, so it makes sense I doesn't make sense.

Also, the game's an adventure game type top down deal done in the style of the classic game Adventure! for Atari, cause Atari is cool. Woooooo...

I'm going to sleep.

*posts*

Sometimes I wish I was a building.

I'd probably be a warehouse owned by some old guy, named Fredrick Connors. But all the kids in the area call him old man conners. He'd probably have a fishing company or something and want to run all the other fishing companies out of business. So he'd set up like projectors to make some cool ghost ship appear on the water and get a neat rubber pirate suit and scare everyone else away from the docks.

For a few glorious weeks while Old Man conners was scaring the hell out of fishermen I would be the most glorious warehouse ever!

Or haunted, I could totally do haunted.

Bleeding walls, whispering to people in their sleep, making people think they're seeing things that aren't real, unplugging the microwave to s crew up the little LSD screen. I don't think I could go through with it though, the whole killing or maiming someone. I'm more of a PG13 haunted house, couldn't do R.

Actually I might only be a PG haunted house. I'd have a cool cat familiar that's only got one eye and sits outside and stairs as people enter or leave. I would name him Floffle, but no one would know because houses can't talk. Maybe if I did the dream whisper thing loud enough hey could learn floffle's name?

Things to consider if I'm ever going to become a house.