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I have come to hate all of you. ('You' is a very specific group of people, not the reader)

2011-05-11 16:51:14 by Emptygoddess

Greetings people who read the random musing of a random person. I'm not sure why you do that, but it does make someone like me feel slightly more connected to total and ambient strangers! Also didactic.

Those of you who have read every single one of my newgrounds internet journal posts will remember that I posted some time ago I was looking for an action script programmer to help me finish a game, because the person I had been working with, flaked like he was made out of really old person skin from a really old person who never moisturized.

Update 1: I have not found a programmer.

Update 2: I hate all of them.

Update 3: I don't really, but I've had a disheartening run with them.

The first guy: worked with him for like six months, great guy, great artist, great programmer. Disappeared off the face of the earth after leaving me some IMs that read like 'hey, dude ; -; are you around?'

I really hope he didn't kill himself because I was busy buying energy drinks from 7-11 and had left my computer on and he needed someone to talk to and thought i was ignoring him. That would be horrible!

Second guy: Turned out he didn't actually know any more about flash programming then me. It took a month to realize this, because I am dumb.

Third guy: Turned out he was the second guy using a different internet name. Took me a month and a half this time. Because I am REALLY dumb.

Forth guy: Asked to be paid money, I was like 'sure, i will pay you money, I've been working on this game for like a year, i just want to finish it. Please. Let the nightmare end.' and he was like, HA HA! YEAH! LETS DO THIS!

A few weeks later he sent me an e-mail basically saying my game sucked, I sucked, and he didn't think anyone would play it. He was so despondent he wouldn't let me pay him for the time he HAD spent on it. I tried!

I cried myself to sleep that night.

Fifth guy: Turned out to be the second guy again. It only took me a week to realize this. I'm pretty sure he is the devil.

Sixth guy: Actually a girl. Technically still working with her... though she hasn't returned an e-mail for three weeks, so I'm going to assume that she is also the devil.

Seventh guy: Teacher at a collage that teaches a course on flash. I showed him the game demo and he was like 'Bazam. Crackalakin. This is awesome. Yeah, i can bust that out in like two, three days. Tops.' i was quite pleased.

After two months of 'I'll get to it tomorrow' he eventually sent me the inevitable 'i will never get to it e-mail. I do not hate him.

Eighth guy: No one yet, but I have a feeling it'll be the second guy again.

The ninth person might very well be me if I can ever get past that point in my AS programming skills where the little figure doesn't gyrate across the screen randomly like he's having an epileptic fit.

I took a flash programming class, and that's what I turned in for my final project 'epileptic gyrating 8-bit stick figure man'

I got a B.... minus. The teacher said the only reason he did not give me a worse grade was because how i would swear at my computer mid class when the program wasn't doing what I wanted amused him.

So, if anyone out there is a flash genius and not a flaky person, feel free to contact me.

If you're not a flash genius and/or are a flaky person, feel free to contact me just to mess with me. I don't actually want you to do this, but it is not like I can stop you. If this ordeal has shown me anything, it is that I have no power to generate any kind of respect, output, or work ethic from anyone.

All of you have a wonderful day! Remember, if you see a ninja, kill it just to stay safe. Every eighth ninja drops a full heal.


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2011-05-11 17:09:07

I can't guarantee that I'd be able to work on it, but I'd be happy to take a look.

Emptygoddess responds:

That's nice of you. I may even take you up on that, as I am desperate and sad.


2011-05-11 17:24:41

I think it's because with every passing day, Newgrounds gets morwe and more paranoid.

If you didn't know, there has been a large number of newfags coming to Newgrounds requesting people to essentially make flash for them to claim all the glory for.

Emptygoddess responds:

That's a new thing? I thought that was just part of newgrounds. Like when you go to some places you only drink bottled water, go to newgrounds and get people bugging you to make flash for them.


2011-05-11 17:34:36

This was a very entertaining read. I dunno if it was meant to be or not. I wish you luck in finishing this project!

Emptygoddess responds:

I just want it done, so that one day, the sun will rise.


2011-05-11 17:38:57

Lol that was a humorous read, you should go into journalism! Seriously though good stuff. Hope you find someone!

Emptygoddess responds:

Me too.


2011-05-11 17:49:01

It's true... good programmers are hard to find. I've had people bail out on me in collaborations before but fuck... 8 times? That's really gotta suck. You have my sympathy for that. The best advice I can give is to look for an accomplished programmer who spends a lot of time on newgrounds and is very devoted to the site. It's harder for them to avoid you if they go online all the time. Then if your collaboration is successful, try and hold on to that programmer, do a few more collabs, and eventually you will have a go-to person for coding who you know is reliable.
That's a big if though.

Emptygoddess responds:

I'd say it's only a moderately sized if.


2011-05-11 18:38:30

Again, you had me very amused while I read this.....
and then felt like an asshole for laughing at your misery.......


Seriously though, good luck with the project, I'll be right there when it comes out to give it a 7.

Emptygoddess responds:

charming of you.


2011-05-11 21:21:27

That was a pretty funny post. I chuckled while reading it.

Sorry to hear about that though. I wish i could help, but my programming skills are like my water polo skills; nonexistent. :(

Emptygoddess responds:

I bet you're a great water polo player.


2011-05-11 21:29:48

I would help you, but I don't know anything about programming...and I'm the second guy again xD (not really, just kiddin')

Emptygoddess responds:

If you are that guy, I hate you.


2011-05-11 21:44:29

What kind of game are you making that are scaring programmers shitless?

Emptygoddess responds:

A bad one? I guess?


2011-05-11 21:49:52

That's why I quit my job (knowledge is more important than money), now I'm taking acting lessons, practicing flash everyday, learning how to play keyboard and planning to take action script classes, oh, and I'm also studying video editing by my own too. Soon I will be able to create anything I want, by myself, because you can't rely on anyone.

Emptygoddess responds:

And soon you will be the ultimate.


2011-05-11 22:57:29

If my skills when it comes to AS weren't like yours(Actually, my last project wasn't having epileptic seizures... I swear, it was my program trying to force sentience to commit suicide... I think it might of been Programmer Two if it succeeded... << >> If you come across it, JUST GRAB A CROSS! Just.. Put it out of it's misery..) I wish you luck, and after all this.. If you survive this, I will give you a high score.. You deserve it. Hell, post the Epileptic Seizure, I think you would get a high rating after all this. Good luck, and just keep trying! Those of us on Newgrounds with hearts are behind you.

Emptygoddess responds:

I will take your luck wish and use it all for myself. You have no more luck now, ha!


2011-05-11 23:00:23

That second guy is fucking hilarious, whats his name? I wanna be internet buddies with him

Emptygoddess responds:

his name is Beelzebub.


2011-05-12 01:00:33

Haha, I stopped expressing any interest in other people's projects a while ago because they tend to glomp on like leeches and never let go. Not saying you're doing this, but I know for a fact no one's going to be as interested in your project as you are. Anyway, programming always hits a part where it isn't all that fun to do and this is probably when people flake. I generally take a 3 month break halfway through all of my games.

There are 100 artist to every programmer on this site (well, everyone who calls themselves a programmer; half of them can't even make a button though), so until you tackle it yourself or turn yourself into a NG cultural icon/brand, you're gonna keep hitting the same wall.

Emptygoddess responds:

damn leaches! How dare they suck away your talent with their leach like qualities.


2011-05-12 08:12:42

Yay kajenx's comment makes me feel special and tingly inside :D
I think there are far less artists that can draw anything beyond one colour stickmen but still it's weird people can't find programmers, my friend had the same problem. But I couldn't start coding his projects, it's really off-putting to have to rewrite everything so you can understand or at least try to understand all that code that is already there.
It's sad "programmers' don't realise what they're against when they agree to work on someone else's project. :P
I'd help you but I know what will happen , at first a sudden rush of "wow that's good, better start working on it" and then gradually lose interest and even start doing my projects instead of yours.
If you still won't find any programmers after this post, describe the game you're working on, put a screenshot. You must find a good programmer eventually, if not... just try to learn how to code yourself. Brad Borne did, some other guy that did "It's not you war" did. It takes more time but it's more fun than sharing your intimate ideas with someone you've never met. You have all the power then, it just takes more time. But I don't think you're trying to make a living from making flash game, are you? :D
I'm the opposite of you goddess. I'm a programmer trying to learn how to draw :P.

Emptygoddess responds:

well, i'm sure you will eventually. With practice and tenacity!


2011-05-12 11:13:14

I always try n collaborate with people, and they always dissapear!!

Emptygoddess responds:

Into the mist.


2011-05-12 11:15:34

what's the game?

Emptygoddess responds:



2011-05-12 13:13:42

I'm sorry you had such a bad run...
I wish I had programming skills so I could help you :(

Emptygoddess responds:

It's fine. People seem amused, so there's that.


2011-05-14 13:34:05

Very fun read as always... but I do feel really sorry for you at the same time.
I'm sure, yeah, someday the sun will rise :)
Screw that B-plus teacher. Genius people on newgrounds are way better than professors, and you are like the best here.

Emptygoddess responds:

That was disturbingly nice of you to say. Please don't secretly be stalking me with a knife.


2011-05-17 23:47:30

Maybe you could do most of the programming yourself and just get help here and there. Also if you do find another programmer, see if they'll agree to send you their code periodically so you're not left with nothing if they bail.

Emptygoddess responds:

Perhaps, perhaps said the wolf.


2011-06-17 11:57:02

I wondered where you disappeared to. I had a friend who did a foreign exchange program in Japan a few years back. Talking with him on TS about his experiences was hilarious. His very first comment was: "DUDE! The trains are super crowded, and 95% of the women are insanely hot!"

I actually know a good programmer who does know AS, the problem is he hates anything to do with Flash and AS, much like his hate for Python. But, good luck, maybe one day there will be an app that will let you kick people in the nuts through the internet!

Emptygoddess responds:

That app would be dangerous. I don't want to get kicked anywhere! They'd retaliate!


2011-06-18 08:05:27

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2011-06-18 12:30:32

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