I am going to become a prostitute.

Some day, i wish to be taller then i am today.

Jilliums Hilliums @Emptygoddess

Age 39, Female

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I am going to become a prostitute.

Posted by Emptygoddess - April 11th, 2008

As my financial trouble has increased (Might lose my place of living. Yay!) I have decided to give into drastic measures. I have decided to become a prostitute.

No, I'm not going to have sex for money. I don't even like sex when it's strictly for recreation, and making it work on top of that? That would just be unpleasant.

I'm going to be a different, more logical kind of prostitute. It started a few weeks ago, when my ex wanted to play super smash brothers brawl. I said I didn't want to, so eventually, to get me to play, I was offered money. Money for playing brawl? Well I couldn't say no. oddly this caught on, other people did the same thing, and before I knew it, I had made about a hundred dollars playing brawl.

So, I offer you, the internet, a once in a lifetime opportunity. For twelve dollars, I will play against you online in super smash brothers brawl for the Nintendo revolution (wii). I will play for about half an hour. You may choose the arena, person I play as, rules, items, everything.

Why would you pay twelve dollars to fight someone you don't know? Maybe you are really annoyed at the things I write and do, and wish to beat the hell out of me in some way. Maybe you wish to test your skill against someone and have no friends. Maybe you want to give me money but don't like giving away anything for free and enjoy violence when possible.

Whatever the reason, I will accept your money, and fight you for the good of humanity.

If you're wondering about my own skills in brawl, I am... all right. Not great. Not horrible. Good enough that some will be like 'wow you're amazing' but if you kick ass you can still be like 'I SMACKED YOU DOWN BITCH! I SMACKED YO DOWN SO HARD YOU CAN RECOVER! YOU GOT BEAT SO BADLY YOU GUNNA CRY FOR A WEEK! GO AHEAD! CRY! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!' as you will most likely crush me, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

If you are interested, you may contact me on AIM at the screen name emptygoddes. Yes, it only has one S, no I can not spell. No, I will not be on any other messengers and there is no other way to contact me. I accept money via paypal. Brawl codes will be exchanged after any transaction takes place.

If you don't want to give me money but still snicker softly at my plight, feel free to link this to random people you think it might amuse so you may snicker together. Or simply copy and paste the whole thing some ware else.

Anyone who kicks my ass is free to comment here, about what a pansy wuss I am. It should be fun.

Contact info:

AIM: emptygoddes

Payment:

12 dollars (amarican. but any money is yay!) for half an hour of brawling.

Comments

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MinusNick 2008-04-11 22:24:12

I saw the word "prostitution," saw "22, female," and was about to ask for pics. But hen I saw it was about Brawl...
AND THAT'S TWICE AS COOL!!!
Alas, I don't have it personally...

(I still want pics, lol.)

Emptygoddess 2008-04-11 22:24:12 (Updated 2008-04-11 22:28:46)

There are many things we want we won't get. Believe me. I know. do you think anyone is going to really pay me to play them brawl? pffft.

packerman 2008-04-11 22:25:07

Its going to be a problem i don't own a wii or brawl for that matter so i guess you can count me off for paying because even if i did own a wii and brawl i would play with my friends AND WOOP THEIR ASSES BITCH! nuff said

Emptygoddess 2008-04-11 22:25:07

As it should be.

Coaly 2008-04-11 22:26:10

Get a job?

Emptygoddess 2008-04-11 22:26:10

I have a few.

Radioactive24 2008-04-11 22:43:55

Paying to break chinaware like in Japan sounds like a cooler idea, more cost effective, and it'll relieve more stress.

God knows I'd get my ass handed to me for 12 bucks. That'd be lame.

Emptygoddess 2008-04-11 22:43:55

Yes. Yes it would. You would be beaten easily, and with little effort, like a small doglike child.

leob123 2008-04-11 22:58:24

your still an ass whore

Emptygoddess 2008-04-11 22:58:24

No no, see, i'm not letting my ass be whored. That's the whole point.

RogueTeddyBear 2008-04-11 23:48:33

heres some attention

enjoy

Emptygoddess 2008-04-11 23:48:33

I'd rather have your money. But i'm thankful for what i can get.

Wisdom-Cube 2008-04-11 23:49:07

Thats the worst deal ive ever seen, and ive seen some bad deals

Emptygoddess 2008-04-11 23:49:07

Worse then the time that guy decided that he should pull a pin out of a grenade and see how long it took to go off.... for science?

JACK-IN-THE-DARK 2008-04-12 00:10:11

i play with you, but i charge 24 dollars and play 15 minutes

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 00:10:11

Hrmmmmmmmmmm..... tempting. You drive a hard bargain. I will pay your charge, but for you, I'd have to up my own rate to 36 dollars and 8.5 minutes.

Getorix 2008-04-12 00:19:05

You must be fat.

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 00:19:05

horribly monstrously ginormously fat. Like once I was standing next to this fat person, and then, I ate them........ and i was still hungry.

ignatz2000 2008-04-12 00:40:09

I feel like creating a PayPal account, buying a Wii, and getting SSBB just so I can give you money and associate with someone as awesome as you are.

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 00:40:09

I doubt that. But if you really feel the need to, I can't stop you.

BMack24 2008-04-12 00:43:41

so then is $24 your hourly rate, or is the half-hour deal the only one you have?

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 00:43:41

Deals can always be made! Yay for deals!

LegendaryPope 2008-04-12 01:02:38

Pics or it isn't true.

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 01:02:38

What isn't true? That I exist? That you exist? I am not going to post pictures of things just to make you feel more existentially viable. You have to get through this crisis of reality yourself.

FatBadger 2008-04-12 02:50:55

my beef strong

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 02:50:55

Beef strong like rock. Rock heavy like beef.

heltec 2008-04-12 03:11:35

I usually post a relevant comment, But instead id like to post a thanks to leob123, Getorix and LegendaryPope.

Why?

Because you posted somewhat stereotypical 12-year-old spammy comments. Normally this wouldn't earn you praise, but today it does. This is because, When I read your comments, and Emptys replies, I laughed. Not alot, but enough that I had to turn my head down to avoid being noticed as not working. And what did I see?

The iPod that has been missing for 3 months. Finally.

So many thanks, o shameless spammers. Thy hath saved me 100 some dollars.

I... probably should go back to work now. *Does so*

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 03:11:35

You should donate that money to give that ipod to the first hobo you see. Think of how all that inspirational music might turn their life around! I know when I'm a hobo I'll want an Ipod. No point being a hobo without portable music.

ASP 2008-04-12 05:18:38

Well...12 dollars to play brawl is ...strange

You could get a CPU to play instead of another 12 bucks for half an hour.

You could work your ass off at 2 full-time jobs, a 1 full and 1 part.

But degrading yourself to violent prostitution??

That's just entertainingly disgusting!

But with seriousness, I don't think you'd get much, if any, of NG'ers to pay 12 bucks to play Brawl with some stranger. It just seems dumb.

No offense intended.

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 05:18:38

I take offense anyways. Mostly because offense is more fun then the other options. So no offense at me taking offense.

lenkalamari 2008-04-12 05:19:07

Most of the horny 13 year old zitpoppers on this site would pay that money anyway just to play against a girl : /

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 05:19:07 (Updated 2008-04-12 05:27:42)

The problem of course with that, is do they have the money? and if they do, would they rather spend it on zit cream?

Also they can't be sure I'm a girl. This is the internet people. Gender is a fluid beautiful thing. One study suggested that there are no lesbians on the internet, and that all internet lesbian relationships are only guys pretending to be lesbians and not realizing the other one is doing the same thing.

I'm pretty sure that study was done by science for science. So you know it's legit.

EV1LS33D 2008-04-12 05:38:30

Unfortunately, I'm broke...otherwise I would donate the 12 bucks and save myself from a brutal beating. I'd still give you the money though, only because I love you =)

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 05:38:30 (Updated 2008-04-12 05:49:35)

Keep me in mind for when you're not broke. That way, you can then be like 'hmmmmm....' and at least consider me before blowing the money on bubblegum. (bubblegum is delicious.)

Murad136 2008-04-12 05:41:30

Wow - You, woman are a genius.

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 05:41:30

That seems a bit excessive. A genius is like whoever it was who first invented the idea of putting product logos and company logos on clothes.

Whoever realized, that humans are willing to pay companies, to walk around advertising for them, now that is a genius.

Apophic 2008-04-12 07:35:28

You will have to have your beef curtains removed before I ever play Brawl with you.

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 07:35:28

... uh... i..... uh.... yeah.... yeah! YEAH! EXACTLY!

Kajenx 2008-04-12 08:56:39

I rofled.

Emptygoddess 2008-04-12 08:56:39

That sounds painful. I'm sorry I did that to you.

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