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Some day, i wish to be taller then i am today.

Jilliums Hilliums @Emptygoddess

Age 38, Female

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Joined on 3/13/07

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Food Vultures, a danger to us all.

Posted by Emptygoddess - May 19th, 2008


Well, I promised another interview at this point in time. But I'm at work, and lazy. So instead, here's a story from my place of business! ENJOY! (or not. I don't control you.)

******

The place I work being a place of business often has meetings. This is understandable as how else do the people in the company meet, and talk about what they're going to do to the other people in the company? Oh meetings can be boring, meetings can be pointless, but when you really get down to it, without meetings, we'd all just be working all the time. That isn't really much better is it?

Now the place I work is also a place of food, and it has a wonderful cafeteria that produces an amazing array of delicious delectable dishes. Some of them are even good for you. The most delicious ones are not. Because of this many of these meetings are held around the lunch time.

The food is often displayed bright and proudly on tables sitting out in front of the meeting room. Probably in hopes of keeping the meeting room clean, or enticing those that were thinking of pretending they didn't get the meeting notice to come in anyways.

There is a sick, twisted, undercurrent that flows through the halls of the place I work. A shady subculture that has formed. 'Meeting vultures'. They stalk the halls around lunchtime, looking for meetings to steal food as they pass by. Sometimes a chip here, a piece of cheese there... but other times...

I witnessed something the other day, dastardly and somehow almost beautiful in its brazenness. I was walking by a table with several boxes of the delicious pizza they make here. There must have been five pizza boxes splayed out, and a man was standing in front of them, piling slices upon his plate. Slice after slice. He had to have put at least ten on it. Well more then half of a single pizza. Admittedly, I had been hoping that the pizza would be unguarded, and the meeting long over. Pizza is delicious; I make no apologies for my desires. I assumed though this man was gathering up slices for his fellow workers inside, and I was out of luck.

Another, older man walked up, curious. He had the air of respect and dignity I often associate with anyone more important than me. (This is most people) "Are you in this meeting?" He asked the pizza guzzler.

"No. No I am not." Answered the pizza guzzler, continuing to pile pizza upon his plate. Some ware around twelve slices now. He did not flinch, he did not hesitate. He worked with the dedication and speed you expect from an employee at my place of business (it's a great place. very fast).

"That food is only for people who are in the meeting." The older gentleman said, seeming a bit put off by this man's focused determination. I will admit, there was something cold, something wrong, about the pizza guzzler's eyes. It was like something inside him was dead, or broken.

"That meeting has been over for awhile." He put his 13th and 14th slice on top of his plate while he talked. Looking over at us with his cold piercing eyes, as if daring us to disagree. I sure wasn't going to say anything.

"Oh?" And the older gentlemen, and myself (As I was curious), looked into this meeting room we were outside, only to see that not only was it still going, but it looked like none of them had yet to even get any pizza, but when we turned back, this pizza vulture was gone, along with what looked like a good four slices of pizza from each pie.

How he was able to move so quickly and quietly with so much in his hands I do not know. The meeting room was in the middle of the hall, any blind corners were a good 25 feet away.

Beware the food vultures, they are like ninja, and will use cunning, tactics, and subterfuge to get what they wish.


Comments

Damn I thought this would raise issue of birds attacking people for food. It happens to me. I hate seagulls, I fucking hate them.

They hate you back.

creepy.

Or shockingly beautiful?

Maybe the true purpose of the place you work at is to breed these ninja food vultures so that they may steal the food from the employees. It is a deliciously awful cycle, it is.

1. Breed food vultires.
2. Hire employees so that ninja food vultures may feed.
3. ????
4. Profit!!!

There are those back rooms i'm not alowed into. they could have birthing chambers... (or servers. But birthing chambers is cooler)

nice story, sadly most people are shameless that way.

Most people? You must live in a very sad place if most people are willing to steal your food.

You should find some way to get back at them.

I've started leaving poisoned pizza on my desk. Not enough to kill. Just enough to cause a mild stroke.

food vulture ninjas?!?!? thats crazy...
then again... wait! the last slice of pie is gone! it was there before and no one else is in the house! im scared...
umm... do food vulture ninjas carry weapons? i certainly hope not...

You'd have to ask them.

Damn. I'd like to meet that guy and have him show me the ropes. Or the pie anyway.

He took pizza. Not pie.