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Some day, i wish to be taller then i am today.

Jilliums Hilliums @Emptygoddess

33, Female

Liver of life

Cool place


Joined on 3/13/07

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Hey Newgrounds! You're all pretty cool.

Posted by Emptygoddess - September 13th, 2018

Greetings those who live lives amongst other humans!

How are things going for you? I haven't really posted anything here for...





Five years!

It's been a long five years. I'm not around much these days because I write for a living and having to work eats up my time and makes it harder to make the kind of stuff I'd put up here. I actually write video games for a living (among other things) as a narrative designer.

My real name is Matthew Ritter. I'm 33. I'm a dude. I've worked at places like Telltale, Dontnod, other less cool places where I wrote shovel-ware. I've done comics with dark horse, had a failed TV pilot, made a few weird indy games no one really gets. Most importantly...

Newgrounds is where I learned to do anything, really. This is where I learned how to make games, record audio, edit videos, figure out timing and basically if this place hadn't existed I'd really not be the creative type person I am today.

The last thing I put up on newgrounds was Dead Horizon: https://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/698298

A lot of people, professional people, don't know why I made the game. It took a long time to make. It cost me real world money. I gave it away for free. It's short. but... newgrounds is where I learned that games could be more than just a game. Games could be short stories. Games could be evocative of a single moment or time or thought or idea.

Newgrounds is where I first realized that people treat you differently depending on what gender they think you are or how old you are. Newgrounds is the place where Egoraptor decided I was a bitch for reasons I don't even remember and made my life a living hell totally by accident because of how popular he was at the time. Newgrounds is the place where I first realized that games and videos and things like that wern't produced by massive companies but where made by people. Normal people and if they could do it so could I.

It's where I learned to do pixel art which is how I paid my way through college.

It's where I learned that people often say they want to do something, and do, but often don't have the energy to actually see it through, and that any job is people management.

Newgrounds is still the place I go when I want to see detailed interesting and oddly analytical comments on things. Where the reviews and reactions are going to have 500% more insight than somewhere like youtube.

It's the place where I got my first fan mail and realized that not only are videos and games and books and things like that made by other humans but REAL HUMANS also read watch and enjoy them. That everything is just made up of people.

Other people in my life often make fun of me because I sometimes mention this place. However, I still come here, and view and play the random stuff. Stuff that is often very interesting. Stuff that makes me think. Stuff that there isn't always a place for (or at least a place where people will actually take a look at it) anywhere else.

I will say without irony that in my late teens I was a terrible person. I dropped out of high school, I flunked out of several community colleges. I lied. I grifted people. I probably was going to end up at the very least being utterly useless to everyone. My family put up with me and tried their best, but it got bad. It got trying to burn the house down bad. It got 'you should be in jail you pathetic human being' bad.

It was deciding to actually start making things that changed me. This was before youtube. This was when really there wasn't a way to get yourself out there unless you had your own website and even then no one would go to it. When web comics linked to each other through web rings.

Newgrounds gave me a place to put my creativity up and show it to people and get their feedback right then and there.

Newgrounds in a very real way saved me.

Sadly, you can't REALLY thank a community. I can send a letter to Tom. Thank him for the time he put one of my videos on the front page literally just because I asked him to. I can write this and thank everyone who reads it. But, you can't think a community because they don't exist. They're just made up of people. It doesn't mean they're not real. They just aren't the kind of thing you can thank. They don't have feelings or emotions.

That doesn't mean you can't be grateful. Very very grateful.

Thanks newgrounds. Please have a fabulous day.


Comments (10)

Nice! This is a pretty good story of how this place was great for someone. I'm sure there are plenty of other stories like this around here, I bet most have.

I don't know if he has read this yet. But @TomFulp needs to read this. And maybe he should know of everyone else's story with NG, our relations with this place. We have much to thank him.

I have much to thank you. Thanks for taking the time to read my rantings.

Thanks for sharing this, I'd love to see more people share their NG stories like this.

Always lovely to hear from you. Try and remember that just because people don't always say it doesn't mean they weren't changed by it.

hell yeah my guy

Hell yeah my tyler


God bless us everyone!

I remember you quite well! You're one of the top ones on my mind whenever I'm thinking of "wonder how X is doing these days..."

I was a fan then and I'm a fan now, glad to see you're still above ground and doing swell. Wishing you all the best in your endeavors.

Why thank you!

Hey dude, I just want to say that you've got a very inspiring story and I wish the best of luck going forward (even though it seems you're already pretty successful). It's people like you that shaped my childhood with the games you made and stories you conveyed, and without people like you I would not have the creative juices flowing through my brain that I have today. So thank you very much man, it's been a pleasure to read your story as well as enjoy your work/art.

I Hope to see your name attached to many great things in the future!

We'll see! I'm totally ready to be homeless in eight months once everyone realizes him a fraud.

It's crazy to think I've been following you for almost ten years. You were my favorite author, content creator, and animator here on Newgrounds. I remember regularly following your text posts simply because they were always meaningful-- whether they be funny, insightful, informative... and you always kept it vague somehow because the way you write was always making you think. Was a post just mindless typing? A story behind it? Sarcastic tone or serious? Did you actually have an interview with Tom? Were you actually a girl? Will there ever be a comment or review that you miss responding to? Is there more to your animations than on the surface? I always found myself going back to everything you produced and sharing them too.

It honestly was a dream come true to actually get to talk to you one on one after years of enjoying your work. I got to "meet" someone who was such an inspiration and influence on me in many ways (I was in early high school when I first saw your works on the front page of Newgrounds). My interest in pixel art, animation, creation, humor, writing. I remember just how much Legend of Link 2 shaped my sense of humor haha. It seems silly, but I can't think of a content creator who had more of an impact on me.

Your posts lately on Twitter and this one is the most open about your life I can ever remember in memory. And to see your journey beside what you've posted really is inspiring. I'm glad I got to see your journey too. From watching your animations as a highschooler and reading your posts, to supporting your kickstarter when I was starting college, to sharing your Dead Horizon to my audience on Twitch and getting the opportunity to talk to you after graduating, I hope that you find even greater success and I hope I get to continue to support one of the most creative individuals I've ever seen.

Thank you for everything you've done and I hope you realize you've inspired and touched us just as much as you feel he community inspired and touched you.

Very nice of you to say.

yo yo yo wassup

Not a lot.

hi gud u xd

No, you good!

I've always done my best to keep my experiences somewhere in my conscious memory. It's about respect; respecting yourself, other people, and respecting relations.

Somewhere along the path of growing up, something might have gotten twisted, and I can rarely feel like relations with others have a mutual respect any more. Nothing really matters.
But it is different when it comes to Newgrounds and its anti-culture art. There's a reward to remembering these works, and mining them for more laughs and understanding; like having a friend that helped you explore and understand the world by being there, and making you feel less alone.

Point being, your "Logic" short and the Legend of Link show meant a lot for someone like me who gets frustrated with thinking the same kind of thoughts all the time. Your art expanded my vocabulary, made me laugh with refreshing mono-/dialogues, and just impressed me with the glimmers of wit, heart, and a bit of anarchy.

Your films are, for me, the best of a certain generation. People change, and I have lost most of my nonsensically thick skin. The core of your art (at least the amateur art) remains a muse for me in writing, timing, heart, humour, a bit of absurdism, and respecting individuality while helping each other.

This got more scattered than I wanted - there's just a lot of love for your artistry and also everything NG has done that I want to express. Even if you don't ever create anything like the NG art any more, I am forever thankful for what you have done.

I appreciate that a lot, I really do.