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No one randomly gives me five thousand dollars! I don't understand it. I don't randomly find a case full of mob money. I don't win the lottery. No one runs over my bike and hands me a blank check ware I attempt to use it for a million dollars and it works. No unknown relative dies and gives me huge bushels of money so numerous that I can swim in them...

It's just not right! It really is to bad that karma just doesn't work. the problem with the idea of karma, or at least the most popular aspect and idea of karma, is the fair universe. The universe sadly isn't fair, and it would be nice if it was, but you can easily see that sadly, it isn't fair.

Because I don't believe in karma, I try to be the best person I can. I know, that sounds a little counter intuitive, but think about. In a world ware the universe isn't going to bitchslap someone for being a jerk, or the universe isn't going to reward good people, then all we have is ourselves and our own actions.

So when a very nice person has lost their job, and will lose their apartment because they came up two hundred dollars short, the universe might be really nice, and maybe they'll get lucky, or it might be mean, and have them get mugged. The only way something nice can happen for sure for said person is to help them. *giggles* So I have on many occasions randomly given people large sums of money for no reason and with no desire of getting anything back. Becuase if karma doesn't egsist, the only thing that rewards kind decent people in this world, is you and me.

You think it would make you feel great, but it just kinda makes you feel more poor. I mean seriously, giving people free money? Such a crock.

Though of course if there's anyone out there who wants to give ME money I would love that! I'm a very disserving person. I'm nice, and kind, and after I shower I smell like soap. I work sixty hours a week and go to school full time, and spend the rest of the time working on my own stupid projects instead of sleeping, such as flash animations and such. If that's not worth five grand! nothing is.

Also of course, I will totally be the best friend of anyone out there with a net worth of ten million or more. warning though, I'm only being your friend for your money. I freely admit it! For ten million, best friend status is yours easily and cheaply. (comparatively, I mean you have ten million dollars.)

You could give money to a charity, to a loved one, to a dog, or to a perfect stranger! Really it's the only choice. The random stranger! So really, you should give me free money. It'll make you feel better, AND I will feel better. No needy people will get it, you won't have to worry about helping anyone (except me.)

Though I'm not really desperate. Though I am short on money, I won't starve to death if I don't get any, it'll just make life rock! You know you want to! Or if you know any millionaires, convince them I'm a better spending point then the robotic dinosaur they're going to buy and ride around on...

I want that robotic dinosaur more then they do.

If my elegant and beautiful words swayed anyone feel free to send me money via paypal to shiftingsodium@yahoo.com

For a small donation of five grand you could make my dreams come true! Also help fund a flash animation... you know you want to.

Also, I accept gifts of mansions, and gold bars.

Treasure maps are also acceptable.

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The People Have Spoken

25 Comments

Mar. 23, 2008 | 6:11 PM Paper-Shadow says:

Ignore the guy above me 'betty', he has just done the same to my userpage...

If you want treasure, go play 'Zack and Wiki', a game about pirates...

Mar. 23, 2008 | 6:16 PM Emptygoddess responds:

I'd rather get real treasure. Or at least like... fake treasure that leads to an emotional awaking and helps me learn something about myself. Then the music can swell and i can nod sagely as the episode fades out. Knowing that even though i found no gold, the real gold, was what i learned.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 6:24 PM BadPun says:

So are you having trouble paying your rent, or what?

Mar. 23, 2008 | 6:27 PM Emptygoddess responds:

A little. But nothing that isn't my own fault.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 6:52 PM Vincoid says:

"You know you want to!" That comment almost convinced me... almost.

Though it's not every day that you get to give some money to a midget that hates everything I love... in which case you don't even want my money, nor have the desire to live your own life... poor you...

I guess betty is right for once, even though he's a little bitch

Mar. 23, 2008 | 6:57 PM Emptygoddess responds:

Another valid response!

Mar. 23, 2008 | 6:53 PM The-EXP says:

You represent the female sector of Newgrounds so well, my girlfriend is dry retching.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 6:57 PM Emptygoddess responds:

awwww. That's sweet. But just because my profile says my gender is female, doesn't mean it is. Then again, it doesn't mean it isn't.... hrm... i guess i do represent the female sector of newgrounds.

Updated: Mar. 23, 2008, 7:01 PM

Mar. 23, 2008 | 7:38 PM mocmanproductions says:

Haha, I love the "Blank Check" joke. That makes me want to give you 5 grand, but sadly I don't even have 1500 in the bank. I'm trying to save up for a car. $6.50 an hour is not enough. Sorry!

Mar. 23, 2008 | 7:53 PM Emptygoddess responds:

You should build a car out of other lesser cars.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 7:46 PM Quatroking says:

I still have like, 2 dollers and 50 cent on my paypal. Interested? It should be enough to buy some cookies.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 7:52 PM Emptygoddess responds:

of course. I love cookies.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 7:47 PM Fleek says:

Age/Gender: 14, Male
Location: HA like id tell u
Job: Master of everythin

Hello everyone im the guy who loves games and some anime, and can totally put some sense in to half the stuff i say @_@ seriously i can-_-. oh and im STRAIGHT VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!

Mar. 23, 2008 | 7:52 PM Emptygoddess responds:

Yes. Being strait is very importaint. If your all curvy people will look at you and think you look all becuase your all bent and odd shaped.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 7:51 PM Quatroking says:

Ah shit, I forgot I donated it already to some Linux projects...

Sowwy :(

Mar. 23, 2008 | 7:53 PM Emptygoddess responds:

... without those cookies i grow sad.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 8:15 PM The-EXP says:

"That's sweet. But just because my profile says my gender is female, doesn't mean it is."
Actually I'd say that pretty much sums up the female sectorof Newgrounds.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 9:09 PM Emptygoddess responds:

Yup! Isn't the internet great? Lieing is standard and truth is a thing of the past.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 8:48 PM mocmanproductions says:

Okay, because they arent letting me post on the front page(*tear*) Click my name and read my long response.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 9:12 PM Emptygoddess responds:

That's very nice of you. 1500 may not be 5000 but I definitely wouldn't say no to it.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 8:57 PM jamboreen says:

How do i know you not just a hobo with a computer.
how do i know you not just going to waste it all on food, water and other non luxery goods like accomodation when i could be buying myself beer.

GOD! some people just annoy me so much!

Mar. 23, 2008 | 9:10 PM Emptygoddess responds:

I promise I'd only spend it on stupid things! PROMISE!

Mar. 23, 2008 | 9:01 PM JonBro says:

I'd give you five thousand dollars, but I only have about 75 cents.

...Where'd my wallet go?

Scratch that, I'm broke.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 9:10 PM Emptygoddess responds:

Damn, those 75 cents could have bought me... is gum still under 75 cents?

Mar. 23, 2008 | 9:50 PM Item-Master says:

is this a valid response? There were too many words so i just read the comments

Mar. 23, 2008 | 9:54 PM Emptygoddess responds:

Nope.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 10:30 PM GreenCastle says:

+---+---+---+---+---+
+-- you --->---v---+
+---+---+---+---v---+
+---+---+---+---> X +
+---+---+---+---+---+

Not to scale.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 10:33 PM Emptygoddess responds:

Nice! I'm on it.

Mar. 23, 2008 | 10:37 PM Cinjinta says:

i shall give you a gold bar

but you must find it

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Mar. 23, 2008 | 10:45 PM Emptygoddess responds:

I'm on that to!

Mar. 24, 2008 | 12:03 AM deadly-maniac says:

You must find wealth within yourself... You must also find kidneys, those are important, you can sell those on the black market.

Mar. 24, 2008 | 2:27 AM Emptygoddess responds:

What if i find and sell kidneys in others?

Mar. 24, 2008 | 2:26 AM ILovethegameCheese says:

Okay.. here's the deal. I don't know where you live, but I hope it's near NYC. In the New York Public Library (Main Branch) I put a couple of one-hundred-dollar bills between pages 563 and 564 of the Aladdin Classics English version of Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo. You find it, you keep it. It's not five grand, but I hope it can help!

Mar. 24, 2008 | 2:29 AM Emptygoddess responds:

Never really liked that book. No thanks.

Mar. 24, 2008 | 9:47 AM fat-barry says:

if i give you £10 will you give me £10?

Mar. 24, 2008 | 2:56 PM Emptygoddess responds:

No. If you give me money i'm keeping it.

Mar. 24, 2008 | 10:23 AM RobTheNerd says:

i never read or comment these, but i read this, and it made me smile. so i thank you, i have very few wordly possesions, but play the note of C on a harmonica, and i will give you aid in your times of need.

Mar. 24, 2008 | 2:56 PM Emptygoddess responds:

I will treasure it as if it were my own fleash child.

Mar. 24, 2008 | 4:00 PM Dazmi says:

Why do you think you deserve lots of money, why do you need it?

Mar. 24, 2008 | 4:30 PM Emptygoddess responds:

I want it.

Mar. 24, 2008 | 8:31 PM JonBro says:

I buried my car under the ice atop Mount Everest. I also placed a wooden spoon on a pedestal very close to where I buried my car. Using the spoon, find and dig my car out of the snow, drive it off the mountain, and find an internet connection for your laptop so you can sell the car on eBay.

I hope that helps!

Mar. 24, 2008 | 8:46 PM Emptygoddess responds:

I'm a little afriad of heights, thanks anyways though.

Mar. 24, 2008 | 9:43 PM SocietysNoose says:

I wish I got free money. Everyone says that money isn't everything, but damn it's had living without it. I feel your pain. Why can't it just rain from the sky or something, I think we all deserve it.

Mar. 24, 2008 | 10:58 PM Emptygoddess responds:

Right. So if you give me your money... then um. I'll have free money. I really don't see ware you wanting money comes into this.

Apr. 12, 2008 | 5:36 PM Karloski says:

i wish i had the ability to empathise, then i could feel your pain.
unfortunately life has left me a soulless husk of a man. Still, if it helps you can sell my organs. we'll split it 80/10/10 (the other 10 goes to the anti-lunar fund)

Apr. 14, 2008 | 11:32 PM Emptygoddess responds:

I would gladly accept your organs. Has to be all of them or no deal.

Jun. 29, 2008 | 1:19 AM Item-Master says:

money is good

Jul. 2, 2008 | 7:36 PM Emptygoddess responds:

i'm glad you figured that out.

Oct. 12, 2008 | 11:33 PM theshyster says:

Ya see....I'm one of those people who couldn't do anything except give you a dollar. Everytime someone asks. yup, I'm one of those poor saps who give money out, albeit a little, and never sees it again. Knowing that he won't ever see it again. Did I mention that Luck also has a way of screwing people over? I gotta replace that 120 dollar helmet by tomorrow.....

Mar. 23, 2009 | 6:33 PM Emptygoddess responds:

'That' 120 dollar helmet? Is this something we are suposed to have context for? Like, is this a 120 dollar helmet we all have and know? becuase if so, i'm out of the loop and still have no idea what you're talking about.