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I have come to the conclusion that I am not a main character.

2011-09-03 15:21:38 by Emptygoddess
Updated

Like most of you I have spent my life watching, playing, creating, and being pissed off by stupid and poorly done fiction. Now, while i have yet to see any real solid proof we are not in some giant alien reality show, or bit players in someone's action adventure that has a surprisingly detailed amount of fluff, I can say for damn certain I'm not a main character.

I don't dress cool enough. People don't forgive me for being a sociopathic asshole enough. I don't randomly treat my friends like crap only to learn moral lessons, and even when I'm being boring exciting things don't just happen at me. Except the normal exiting things, like almost dieing in a car accident, or finding out your uncle has cancer, or someone trying to kill you in the bathroom because you were 'mad doggin them all night'.

I still don't know what Mad doggin' is, but I actively attempt to not do it, because I enjoy my neck to remain unbroken and my body un-stabbed, and those who think I have been mad doggin' them feel differently. All I have gleaned so far, is I do not think it involves being angery, or being a dog. I am neither yet still managed to accomplish it.

While this attempted murder was interesting, my point is that it wasn't a story that lead to a chain of adventurous events where all seems lost right before the end and yet comes together in an epic moment of glory! (or failure if the story is sad!) Instead it was just terrifying for like a minute. I believe i wet myself. It would have made a horrible movie, an atrocious short, and a truly despicable TV show and as a book or comic? Pfffft.

I guess I might be a main character of one of those really boring crappy slice of life things. where stuff happens and it's all edgy and real.

I sure hope not, those things suck. It would explain some stuff though...


Comments

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BossBoss

2011-09-03 15:37:18

hey man well look up mad doggin and figure out what it is so you dont look at dudes the wrong way again

Emptygoddess responds:

Is that what it means? I had been assuming it had something to do with like... i dunno... dogs?


PIED3PIED3

2011-09-03 15:42:43

You write good things, but it's sociopathic not "sosiopathic".

(Updated ) Emptygoddess responds:

If you knew what word i meant, and thus communication was initiated effectively, does it truly matter?

Eh. I'll fix it.


poisened-noisepoisened-noise

2011-09-03 15:50:40

you will always be the main character in my fantasies babes. <3

Emptygoddess responds:

A strange thing to say considering I hope at least, you have no idea who what or how i am.

If you do... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


ThundaboomThundaboom

2011-09-03 17:05:04

Your news posts are always depressing! :D

Emptygoddess responds:

:DDD!


KomixKomix

2011-09-03 17:06:36

or maybe you are a main character but your story hasn't begun yet! do you ever wonder what main characters did before their story began? they probably live boring lives like anyone else! Maybe your amazing Romance with vampires, or wizards is just about to begin, or maybe you are about to find out that you ve been a secret agent that entire time!

Emptygoddess responds:

If i had to pick a mythical creature to have a romance with, it would certainty not be a vampire.


ValerofondValerofond

2011-09-03 19:06:06

Let me check my magic google

Mad Doggin'

To stare down someone in an aggressive manner in the hopes of
starting a fight.

'Yo that fool was mad doggin' me but I straight showed him piece and he bounced out'

Emptygoddess responds:

If only i'd had a piece, i coulda made em bounce.


test-objecttest-object

2011-09-03 19:30:07

I love this read. It convinced me I'm not in a show either. I know not a single comic relief character. My neighbours are boring.

Emptygoddess responds:

If you kill them you might become part of a made for TV movie about a crazy killer.

Not a great idea though.


SteinbergSteinberg

2011-09-03 20:41:23

You know that shows where the main character is a big nerd loser, with no social skills or hopes, and everything goes wrong for him?
I'm that kind of protagonist.

Emptygoddess responds:

No, i don't know that show.


SteinbergSteinberg

2011-09-03 20:52:54

Ohhhh, also, this remembers me of when I was staring out the bus window one of these days, my mind was traveling through wonderland when apparently (when the bus stopped at a station) a guy standing outside was shouting at me... When I went back to the real world I noticed he was shouting "*insult* *insult* Why are you staring at me?!" So he tried to come into the back door and throw his cigarette on me... The door was closing and the bus started to move, so he could only fit his arm. Thank god because I'm so frail.
I guess I can't even look outside the window anymore without almost dying. Fuck people.
Also, your sense of humor is the best!!!

Emptygoddess responds:

I hope he got his arm back.


TheFlyingChinchillaTheFlyingChinchilla

2011-09-03 21:35:20

If I DO meet the main character, I would like to murder him in the face. Surely he is indirectly responsible for every dick move this world pulls on us.

Emptygoddess responds:

He would somehow survive it, being the main charicter.


GianniGianni

2011-09-03 22:01:16

I dunno, don't rule yourself out. Main characters do have a tendency to only ALMOST die, so there's one qualification you now have under your belt.

Maybe your story is trying to go in a more "original" direction.

Pfft. Whatever original. Needs more explosions.

Emptygoddess responds:

Original means booooooring. waaaaaah!


FrozenFireFrozenFire

2011-09-03 22:39:01

You are a main character your episodes are just a lot shorter and your ratings are pretty low.

Emptygoddess responds:

Yeah. only god and santa clause watch me. Pervs.


AdidaasAdidaas

2011-09-03 22:41:23

You could be in a coming of age movie where you learn life's moral and lessons over a painfully long period of time via flashbacks and time skips.

Emptygoddess responds:

Or, a coming of age movie where I learn nothing!

Like life!


grieverbravingrieverbravin

2011-09-04 03:54:13

well, rather than a main character, maybe you're just one of the random plucky characters you see for only 5 minutes in the entire thing and help sum everything that has happen thus far to the audience because EVERY gorram thing about the movie/episode/comic was so damned confusing, they needed 5 minutes to reel the audience back into it. that, or mayb you're just the hunk of cheese on a random counter.... I feel like both everyday.....

Emptygoddess responds:

It's more annoying when it happens and the plot was super easy to follow. Making that sum up person useless and evil.


thantounderscorethantounderscore

2011-09-04 05:05:05

If you want an exciting life, maybe even feel like a hero, try animal rescue. It's hard work, and you'll need a strong stomach and will, but there's nothing like saving cute furry animals who can't fend for themselves.

Emptygoddess responds:

I would rather DIE.


KembryKembry

2011-09-04 07:37:30

AH ?

IF YOU SAY SO.

Stop ctisising yourself and start to live, don`t care about what people say abotu you because most of all those things are just made in your mind, because if you are so bad than people wouldn`t talk about you. Just chill out and find things what you enjoy and ike and enjoy yourself and your body and everything around you. Body is our greatest instrument. DO SOMETHING. BUY SOME WEED AND HANG AROUND !

Emptygoddess responds:

The body is indeed like an instrument, in that it makes a lot of weird noises.


KembryKembry

2011-09-04 07:38:05

AH ?

IF YOU SAY SO.

Stop ctisising yourself and start to live, don`t care about what people say abotu you because most of all those things are just made in your mind, because if you are so bad than people wouldn`t talk about you. Just chill out and find things what you enjoy and ike and enjoy yourself and your body and everything around you. Body is our greatest instrument. DO SOMETHING. BUY SOME WEED AND HANG AROUND !

Emptygoddess responds:

.sesion driew fo tol a sekam ti taht ni ,tnemurtsni na ekil deedni si ydob ehT


UnsterblicherUnsterblicher

2011-09-04 08:59:32

You're certainly a protagonist, not a supporting character, friend. The thing is, you are also a co-author of your own story, so effectively YOU decide how interesting or boring it is.

If you feel that your life is 'boring' and 'crappy' (I can understand how that feels, I've been there), change something about it. Do something exhilarating, something exciting and rewarding for you. Go mountain-biking, get a motorcycle, try your hand at sky-diving; take a road trip to somewhere you've never been before, usw.

And cheer up, dear. Life is long, assuming you don't meet a violent end, which is highly unlikely in civilised parts of the world, but it is also too short for you to be filled with regret over what you didn't do. I wouldn't recommend drugs, though. That tends to offer no real reward, as I can tell you from personal experience.

Emptygoddess responds:

My life's awesome. And i'm not depressed. I just mean when i go mountain biking terrorists don't capture me and the other people biking for ransom, eventually ending with me and the terrorist leader in a kung fu battle on top of hedge rock. A rock shaped like a skull at the top of the mountain.

More an observation then a complaint.


ThundaboomThundaboom

2011-09-04 13:06:02

LIsten bitch stop complaining and chock on Tom fulp's dick.

Emptygoddess responds:

Thank you for the advice thundaboom. My life starts today.


I-smelI-smel

2011-09-04 13:29:48

Yea I decided this for myself a while ago. I am an extra in somebody elses movie.

If you had to pick a mythical creature to have a romance with, what WOULD IT BE??
A GRYPHON?

Emptygoddess responds:

Chimera probably. Lots of options.


KajenxKajenx

2011-09-04 13:34:50

This was an interesting rant.

It sounds like your life is full of things and you actually do make a good main character. They're usually trying to escape from whatever situation they're in, after all.

Emptygoddess responds:

Their situation sucks! They have no choice. INCITING INCIDENT!


JonBroJonBro

2011-09-04 13:46:10

I think everyone is the protagonist of their own story. A number of people take their role the wrong way. You're not one of those people.

With self-esteem and confidence come great things.

/cheesypost

Emptygoddess responds:

IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF THEN ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! BELIEVE IN YOUR FRIENDS AND TOGETHER YOU CAN DO SO MAAAANY THIIIIIINGS! THE RAINBOW OF LIFE SHINES WITH MAAANY RAYS! NEVER GIVE IN TO THE DARK AND THE GREEEY!


BOBdiedTwIcEBOBdiedTwIcE

2011-09-04 14:30:24

If your not the main then the next obvious step is to figure out who is. Followed by shamelessly pandering to them for a bit part. who doesn't love those quirk introspective side characters, c'mon that could be you!

Emptygoddess responds:

Or I could find out who it is... and undermine their self confidence. Torture them mental, and make sure while i am not the main character, i become the thing of their nightmares.


polobowpolobow

2011-09-04 18:16:31

This actually made me think alot.
Why do we live? Because our parents had sex, yes. But we have the choice to live. Why do we carry on? Why do we work, be stressed and cry about things? Is it eventually for the free time you have? To use our species' intelligence to enjoy what various inventions we have made?

It's ... i don't know.
Like we have a reason NOT to live :/...
And i wonder about all the poor people, hobos for example. Why don't they just suicide? It's not like they have much...

Anyways, about your post. Yes.
I don't believe we are in a game show. Some stuff in space got together and rotated for a long time, which eventually got fertile trough evolution. And then bacteria stuff and water, and blablabla then there were apes.

Maybe somewhere else in this big space-stuff of nowhere is also a living race with intelligence as it's main survival thingie, and is watching us from afar.
However, this is only my comment on the first paragraph.

Sorry for your uncle... And not everyone has the event of being threatened in the bathroom ( and surviving it).

Emptygoddess responds:

Hobos don't suicide because they have exactly the same thing you do. Life. the value we place upon it is personal and often completly unrelated to the stuff and personal connections we have. They have the same reason for no tkilling themselves that you do.


SonicBoom-XSonicBoom-X

2011-09-05 06:15:04

people should never be considered cool by how they dress, its all about whats on the inside! And from what i see, you have alot more talent for good story writing. While most people are to stupid to even graduate from simple high school... much less make smart decisions... you dont seem like the typical human being who would do stupid things most would

I like your style

Emptygoddess responds:

I like that your name has an X in it.


ChortleburpChortleburp

2011-09-07 01:32:47

Maybe you should move to this apartment! http://work.failblog.org/2011/08/29/j ob-fails-situational-comedy-clause/

Emptygoddess responds:

If i wanted to go insane... yes. I would.


CaligoIgnisCaligoIgnis

2011-12-21 18:14:41

Mm... Well, with millions and millions of people it would be weird to be life's main character, so yeah...
Usually the diference between real life and fiction is that in fiction things just magicaly appear in front of you, and well, in real life, not exactly, you got to search them, thing that's usually quite a pain... Except for the things that are really imposible, like randomly growing up a pair of wings... That would be cool, even though i wouldn't be sure what i would say to the police, when they sudenly break into my house with a picture of me up in the sky, and you know, things that are likely to happen when you can freaking fly. Sadly, it probably won't happen.
To tell the truth i think i would get used to "it" anyway and see things i would get surprised to in another moment, as daily stuff. (Replace "it" with any incredible circunstance)

I'm rambling again, sorry, good luck and excuse my poor english. (Oh, and at first i though about cheering you up or something because of the post, but you were probably mostly sarcastic so i will shut myself up, though, if it wasn't, cheer up, live life)